I remember the ancient days
When darkness ruled the heart When justice deceived itself And the widows and childless Found no comfort When the spirit of the age Sought to correct the wrong All day long Placing humanity in a cage. Dressed with hope undefined By torturing the soul I remember too The night you came Offered yourself Not some plan To release this soul From flesh bound hopes It was easy to fall for you Yet I trembled I cried With joy Your new residence Within my living Even now I turn away To glitter and sway To music screaming pain Only to remember your arms Ever embracing Where can I go There are no words That can express your presence Cleaning my cluttered house All-day long shaking this body Letting me rest I was raised under a system of faith that first made me feel so guilty for being human that I was convinced I needed to believe Jesus took the whipping I deserved trusting I would feel better until I was again behaving like a human.
Years into this madness I found Jesus at my door asking to take residence within me without the theology of what, why, how, or any expected results. I thew out all I had trusted to free me from fear, guilt, and shame which included any effort on my part, and let Him in. Well, unless you have been there and done that and have the T-shirt to prove it there is no way to express to you my experience of freedom. I call it rest. Now I simply trust Him. For what? This life and any Godliness needed in it and in the future. I also struggled like hell to enter and stay in that rest and even now flop around a bit like a fish long out of the water. But when again exhausted of my efforts to live on my terms with my expected outcomes I find Jesus still next to me on His favorite recliner smiling that silly grin that tells me He's glad I stopped wiggling so much. |
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February 2021
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