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I was raised under a system of faith that first made me feel so guilty for being human that I was convinced I needed to believe Jesus took the whipping I deserved trusting I would feel better until I was again behaving like a human.
Years into this madness I found Jesus at my door asking to take residence within me without the theology of what, why, how, or any expected results. I thew out all I had trusted to free me from fear, guilt, and shame which included any effort on my part, and let Him in. Well, unless you have been there and done that and have the T-shirt to prove it there is no way to express to you my experience of freedom. I call it rest. Now I simply trust Him. For what? This life and any Godliness needed in it and in the future. I also struggled like hell to enter and stay in that rest and even now flop around a bit like a fish long out of the water. But when again exhausted of my efforts to live on my terms with my expected outcomes I find Jesus still next to me on His favorite recliner smiling that silly grin that tells me He's glad I stopped wiggling so much. |