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When I view the morning light
Through these eyes of joy I rest in your arms ever so strong And take one more brisk breath of hope That this is the day we should announce to the world In words so pure and sweet That you are love itself Rushing into every heart Ready to meet Ready for the worlds to meet. Here I crash, crumble and fall. At your feet, at your feet. I begin again with but a breath Looking at your life Looking back at me Here in the now There is no greater gain Than not sing one more frame Of thank you And fall again Into your arms of rest And rest. I remember the ancient days
When darkness ruled the heart When justice deceived itself And the widows and childless Found no comfort When the spirit of the age Sought to correct the wrong All day long Placing humanity in a cage. Dressed with hope undefined By torturing the soul I remember too The night you came Offered yourself Not some plan To release this soul From flesh bound hopes It was easy to fall for you Yet I trembled I cried With joy Your new residence Within my living Even now I turn away To glitter and sway To music screaming pain Only to remember your arms Ever embracing Where can I go There are no words That can express your presence Cleaning my cluttered house All-day long shaking this body Letting me rest I was raised under a system of faith that first made me feel so guilty for being human that I was convinced I needed to believe Jesus took the whipping I deserved trusting I would feel better until I was again behaving like a human.
Years into this madness I found Jesus at my door asking to take residence within me without the theology of what, why, how, or any expected results. I thew out all I had trusted to free me from fear, guilt, and shame which included any effort on my part, and let Him in. Well, unless you have been there and done that and have the T-shirt to prove it there is no way to express to you my experience of freedom. I call it rest. Now I simply trust Him. For what? This life and any Godliness needed in it and in the future. I also struggled like hell to enter and stay in that rest and even now flop around a bit like a fish long out of the water. But when again exhausted of my efforts to live on my terms with my expected outcomes I find Jesus still next to me on His favorite recliner smiling that silly grin that tells me He's glad I stopped wiggling so much. I lived on a high desert.
At night the moon acted as a spotlight throwing my shadow against the sagebrush as I trekked to nowhere in particular. When the moon slept, the stars would take its place and light my path. After a while, the silence was interrupted only by my ears straining for a sound not willing to be revealed. Then a gust of wind would dance at my feet and kiss my face only to run and hide in the arms of that same silence. Now with even the silence gone, I entered a state of being authored by a god I could not name. Like Moses, I was intrigued by a previously unseen ‘burning bush’ that would not change its state from burning nor be consumed. Bowing to its charm I entered a rest unwilling to disguise itself with any activity or thought. There I paused as if a stranger before an odd-looking door leading to a surprise I was not yet prepared to know. I knocked. It was already open, but I did not know it had been opened years before my birth. In fact, it has always been open. I called in, “Can someone come out and play?” My chest leapt for joy at something that had left its footprints over every moment of my self-awareness. Its name was ‘I AM always with you.’ Yes, IT had always been there. Frightened at this discovery I withdrew to the stars and wind and turned for home, humanity, and any distraction I could conjure. Escape itself ran through my legs and soon my heart followed with fearful cadence to my running. Once shrouded by my house and in the presence of my wife and child, I cautiously ventured toward sleep, hoping that stalking revelation would vanish with the dawn and be put to rest. But even that phrase, put to rest, caused the desert to reappear in its all-encompassing silence. Over time, and with age itself, I began to lose command of the now too familiar distractions. Friends and family died by the hordes leaving few behind. Our dance was at an end with more shadows twirling into the dark than music to accompany. Their exit was promising my own re-entrance into His presence once this body was silenced. The distractions were all but gone. Even now my body has joined in the mutiny, leaving me with an empty schooner’s riggings creaking, declaring the best had passed. Unwillingly, I discovered myself once again before that open door but I know the name of the one on whom to call. With shame, I bowed to the silence and re-discovered, from the inside, the “I AM always with you”. The betrothal to Jesus had now become a marriage feast. I was one and the same time married to this ineffable presence who not only authored and finished the events, but the heartbeats to go with it. I discovered a desert full of all I needed for both living this life and remaining in that union with life itself from which I had tried so hard to ignore. I had joined the wind and had begun a dance for which all are invited. Thank You, Jesus. Forgot to look into your eyes
As if I was meeting you for the first time Or not leaning over really close To catch your every word Nor enjoying the warmth of you Snuggling up within my space And forgetting You just want to be near Yes, I have ignored you taking time out of your living To enjoy my life Forgive my hearing your story As an addendum to mine Or ignoring your touch As if it were out of time And my clamoring to be seen When I forgot your face I heard your pain and saw your tears But hid my tears for shame Forgive me for turning my music up so loud I could not hear myself much less Seeing your dancing to my tune And see your oneness dressing my loneliness For so trying to get noticed I let slip the opportunity to notice you I have counted my own breaths Forgetting why I breathe Even how I breathe Watching your story unfold I was too busy to see it How it fit with mine Then you touch me again Ignoring the past Forgive me for letting you Experience the dark All alone Lost in it And my not even shouting in Nor listening for an echo Broken by your call Broken by your whimper And most of all Forgive me for not loving you Dedicated to the Christ who has walked with me in the form of Linda now for 53 years on her 76th birthday. I love you, Linda! “we forever remain the dependent member in the union.
And the union is never safe until we know that. So, until you have a few good knocks on the head and discover your conceited self, you're not safe to know the union. Maybe you've had plenty of knocks. They're the healthiest thing we can have. We've got to be made safe and understanding for this tremendous relationship. He is the Lord. We are the co-operators. We are receivers.” Reading the scriptures pointed to Him.
Knowing Christ as a historical figure didn't do it. Knowing Him as a great teacher, no one follows, didn't do it. Knowing Him as MY Savior opened a world of possibilities. Being filled with the Holy Spirit is amazing but all too often egotistical. Trying to complete what He began to do in and through me has failed every time. Entering Him, as if He were my rest, freed me from trying to be like God. Then Christ revealed Himself not only in me but living out through me as me. Now i look to what He is doing. And i get busy. I LIVE in Him and He in me, yes He is my life and LIVING Enjoy! All too often, when faced with disaster, we think God must have taken a vacation. Nothing could be further from the truth. He never closer nor more ready to be your answer than when we cannot be our own answer.
How about every time you run across a very big problem face to face, or on social media, you say out loud, "God TOO big to salve this one." Go ahead and laugh too.
All our (worldly) lives we are taught to set a goal and then strive toward that goal. When have we ever been taught or practiced to put the life of Jesus as that goal? When have we listened to Paul's teaching?
Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Therefore let us, as many as are mature, have this mind; and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal even this to you. [Phil 3:13-15 NKJV emphasis mine] |
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February 2021
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